Thursday, August 20, 2009

A New Birth: Born again revisited

I just wanna throw caution to the wind, not sure where I'm going but I know where I've been. Mistakes are a guarantee but how you over come them determines the need to repeat, loose sleep, no hope, sniff coke. I don't pretend to be perfect.

On the other hand, when you say "fuck it" and mean it, and just live for you with a commitment to becoming a righteous and conscientious citizen of this Earth, a protector of all things living, all creatures great and small; there is this something within that awakens, it seeks knowledge of self and purpose for being here, right now, this moment. It realizes how a rock, a river, a tree, a buzzing bee, and me are all connected. Relative; a new birth if you will, for lack of better wording.

This thing within will seek different experiences and different ways of perceiving both familiar and foreign situations, ideas, values, and convictions. It may cast out contradictions. "Right", "wrong", "good", and "bad", fall by the way side like a discarded soda can. Ideas you once held to, you question and possibly let go of, ironically, peace will be their replacement. Some may find it hard to let go, but I promise you, letting go and walking away figuratively, is the most righteous and liberating thing one can do. I know it's scary, the thought, because it's all new...especially since we've been birthed and conditioned to live in a capitalist society. I'm not sure if our ancestors used pacifiers to calm a fussy child, but today, I still believe this is why food comforts me. Maybe I'm rambling, then again, maybe these words are divine, either way, that is for you to decide.

Here is the test, see if you can go a week without the need to judge, label, criticize or form an opinion about anything. Attempt to live in the moment and meditate on just being. Focus on your breathing and the thoughts that cloud your mind, what do you hear? If you hear things like "you're worthless", "you're fat", "you're better than everyone else", silence them and replace it with "it is what it is" the world is good. When you strive to be naked and unashamed, when you accept a name is just a name, and God possesses and lives within everything, and religion is just religion, and Jesus was a man born again, awaken, committed to letting go of Earthly possessions or simply he just was, "I am that I am" you shall be born again. You must be born again....then again, who am I to make this claim.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Random thoughts 859

i never pretend to kid myself
about the risks in this game
Life, learning, loving
all while inebriated in
myths and illusions
becoming disillusioned
mentally mutated by
fast foods and commercials

the haves and have nots
the desire for
power, prestige
we no longer feel the need to
liberate ourselves from ourselves or
forsake our greed
i just wanna be loved

people make the world go round
and so does money
ain’t it funny how time flies when you’re
busy whoring yourself in the streets
giving head to your boss?
but bills must be paid

but giving head to random people
is something else, something deeper
steeper like internet phone sex
late nights in back allies outside
no pride just addicted to
the need to feel wanted and to feel something
another heart beat
you look in their tired eyes and wonder to self
“what if?”
but like all addictions no regard to post conditions
in the moment like a sky diver falling from above
the rush of an orgasm
a hit of coke it
numbs the brain
on your knees again
ain’t it funny

the solution is not
who what when where nor how
but why
why do we feel the need to dictate
who we give our love to or decide
for others

no holding hands with the person
who makes me blossom not only in my pants
or who makes me wanna make homemade pancakes
and serve it in bed
we said no they said no he said no she said no
I saY save me from this life

back allies and dark living rooms
back seats and couches with sheets draped across
all feeling lost, numb, for the moment
I'm here with someone who may never meet my mom
and she doesn’t know I do coke

She’ll never meet all my friends
Maybe because we were never friends
She and i
Not friends like classmates and those
blessed to you by “hello” or coincidence and not birth
the kind you can tell anything to
and not feel the weight of judgment

Disappointment and regret
Advise and guide don’t despise and lie
Understand and love and hug
Don’t point and scream and suck teeth and
sigh with grief while rolling eyes

We make it hard for ourselves as a collective
Just check things out from a different perspective
And trust that God don’t make mistakes
Life is just as good as a bowl of Frosted Flakes
With cold milk and the feeling of love and belonging
And being free to be the best you you can be

I know it’s cliché but sometimes that’s not a bad thing
It’s as simple as whistling Dixie backed by a chorus singing
I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you…think about it...