to kill a mockingbird

they’ve all asked and

i’ve sworn to secrecy on 

the sex of mockingbirds

who never fly south

too good to move on or 

too lazy to put forth the effort

a life of coke and leisure

i pleasure their company with mine

allowing myself to be chopped

broken down and then snorted

dirty hundreds or crisp twenties

corners of torn match books from QT

brown liquor numbs this 

brown boy’s blues

clinking of ice cubes in 

crystal tumblers 

snapping pictures posting on 

instagram and tumblr

ill never speak on the affairs or 

encounters or the events that 

circumstance and southern lust

privies me for

to kill a mockingbird is

cowardly where i’m from

me and the beast within

my feelings have become
uncontrollable at times
like learning to live with a lion
never knowing when it will happen
the lashing
the biting of hands

those who feed me
love me and
need me and
want me
not knowing me
the carnal side

submerged in
shallow dark waters
lurking beneath
striking out if
rejected neglected
not selected

there’s more to me than
meets the eye
i try to keep myself at bay
singing lullabies
like the mother of a colic child
someday my prince will come

i haven’t come to terms with the
beast within me
him hates being alone
i detest his consuming company
covering mirrors
closing blinds

why bother

he tossed me the Bible and
told me to read
my life was not being lived like
God intended
zooming away in something shiny and new

new testament
new life
new joy
old lies
old school
old beliefs that do nothing but
foreshadow an end to a wicked world

why bother
why bother
i try not to bother momma while she sleeps
but it’s time for her to wake up.
the Jesus she searching for is not
held hostage in some church that has profited
off her lack of

lack of
lack of
her lights run the threat of disconnection
but Pastor say it’s for her protection
no one wants to burn in hell
keep up with your tithes and offering
while your baby boy is baptizing himself

in dirty protein rivers flowing from
strange men who spew wicked seaman
convincing him they will supply the love he
never received from his broken home
our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name

in thy name all things are possible
i never finished reading the bible
as an english scholar plagiarism was frowned upon
he left the only salvation he was capable of providing
“amen” i mumbled while tossing
the box of trojans and
bible in the trash