Wednesday, January 25, 2012

noon rendezvous

the colors don’t seem to match
i’m expressing my

drops of crystals fall from my nose
cold air cools my warm face
i must moisturize my skin

lite and sweet
sittin in this café waiting for my baby.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

safe poems

i don’t wanna write safe poems
poems about whisping winds and fancy flowers
i don’t wanna write poems with nouns that rhyme at the end of each line
i don’t wanna write poems that are recited at inaugurations or graduations or celebrations
those poems are safe, sweet, guarded, nice, protected
they are created in a space and place that is hyper-real, full of folly, fancy, freedom, fun

i wanna write poems that smell like shyt,
bad pussy, or a
niggah’s dick after he has cum and not washed
i wanna write unprotected poems
poems that run the risk of infection- infecting your mind and soul
like a virus or an incurable STD
i want my poems to stay with you
sinking deep within, never letting you go, consuming you

i want my poems to be in the midst of abortions
between the legs of mothers who change their minds
the clamps the forceps
the discarded waste that was once life but now a bubbling protein mass of nothingness
innocent blood and broken eyes
a crushed skull
two hearts torn
a dream deferred

i want my poems to be unprotected
like fucking a niggah in the ass that you just met online
cummin' inside
loose booty
no name
no love
no intent to ever return
“what in the fuck did i just do?”
too late now
make a mental note: create new screen name

i wanna write the poem that’s there when you tell your mama you’re gay
the shock on her face
the void in her heart
the misunderstanding
the tears in her eyes
the lump in your throat
the final relief after years of hiding who you are
at least now she knows
and hopefully later, she will understand

sick is the poem that hovers over head while the priest in collar and robe
hard dick and old clammy hands feeling like wet fish
fondling the unripe dicks and innocent asses of 8 and 9 year old boys
fucking them up for life
raping them with images of Christ’s cum on their faces and in their minds
a vision that will be revisited in many nightmares and future court cases
to come
it must be written

i wanna taste the poem that is placed on the plate beside cold pork and beans and stale white
bread in front of the child of the woman who has worked her ass off
back hurting, legs aching,
tired, just plain
puny paycheck that's
not enough
bills to pay
shoes to buy
groceries to get, groceries like
chicken wings or a piece of sausage to go with them beans
them beans
them damn beans

i must write the poem that
breaks promises
breaks hearts
breaks wind
winds beneath broken wings
give me two wings so that i may fly
high above it all
all these broken poems and broken lives
let me carry the burden as i sorely soar above it all
disturbing the funky fucked up lives of

mothers and fathers
sons and daughters
my people
and all the people that know what it's like to live a life
without rhyme
without reason
without hope
without prose
without poetry that matters to them

poetry that
suffers or
dries tears or
soothes pain
poetry that in the late night assures a new day is coming
a new day is coming
a new day
has come

jumpin to conclusions

it was after i told him to come get
his shyt
after i asked for my key
after i snatched his clothes out of our closet
after he asked me what was wrong
after i read the text again
did i realize i made a mistake

on being a man

there is something to this
that i can’t understand
how to love someone so much
but can’t help being a man

being a man so much and
wanting to try something new
flirting and lusting after each and
every new guy that passes through

hooking up online
while he is gone
having quick discreet sessions
before he comes home

washing several times a day
to cleanse my guilt burden soul
wondering if while i am here
he is out somewhere being so bold

but what am i to do especially when
he does not always come through
on giving me every single ounce
of his time and affection

i can blame him and
he can blame me
we can blame everyone of
our friends and chalk it up as jealousy

but still there is this something
that i will never ever understand
how i love him so damn much
but still wanna whore like a common man

radical love

i knew after he came i would never see him again
the encounter
the truth
he could never face it again
or me
i would serve as nothing more than a reminder of who and what he is
the fact
the fly in his lemonade
the corn in  his shyt

but for a moment
i thought i could help him overcome by cumming
by helping to release the built up tension
by giving him a sample of what radical love felt like
by giving him me
and for a moment it worked
he was saved
 thank ya Jesus!

but as backsliders do, he fell
he could not stand to be strong
to face the consequence of being “found out”
to have to tell his boys his boy is his boy
his mama would not understand
his daddy would not care, he wasn’t there
his heart broke into a thousand pieces of innocent little black babies beneath his jersey
he dribbled out of my life
a dream deferred

years and nightmares later i would see him again
a victim of circumstance
a weak soul conquered by society’s desire to keep all little black boys straight and fucking only pussy
never in love with anyone or anything but the brutha he could not have cause mama sat in the amen corner of her church and her baby was in college and star of the basketball team
crack was my replacement
a drug that erased it all
feelings he could not deal with
the feeling of radical love


there are times
when i wanna
dissolve back into
the earth
what i once was

then the son returns
with a smile
flowers bloom
in my heart
horses run wild in my pants
and god speaks to me

rain washes
away the filth of sadness
and loneliness is no longer alone
and for a moment
there is peace in my turbulent world, damn he is so fine!

but temporary are all highs
and coming down
is like hugging porcelain pissy commodes proclaiming
to never get this drunk anymore
the sobering emptiness
awaiting a phone call
or the broken promise of a soon return

the disappointment
rain drops falling from my eyes
i dissolve into my own earthly sadness
and can only imagine if he’s back with his girl.


i won’t come undone
finding condom wrappers in trashcan
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
finding your personal ad online
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
awakening to you on your cell in hushed tones
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
finding the seat adjusted for someone else
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
finding phone numbers during laundry
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
callers hanging up when i answer
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
deciding to leave without a word
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
backing away from the table of unhappiness
i won’t come undone

i won’t come undone
realizing that i have had enough of this shyt
i won’t come undone
i won’t come undone

misplaced love

i am searching
between the cushions of the couch
finding nothing
i am checking your pockets
and doing laundry
i am performing
file searches on our computer
am pulling back the comforter and
searching beneath the mattress
shaking shoes
moving the furniture
i am looking behind the hanging pictures
and digging in the flower pots
emptying boxes of cereal and
rearranging the food in the cabinets
finding nothing
i am searching for the one thing that you promised me
i am searching for your love
i am finding nothing
maybe it’s in the glove compartment of your car beneath the owner’s manual, box of condoms and your “old” black book- the one you told me you threw away

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

tell me Nikki (dedicated to Ms. Giovanni)

tell me Nikki
tell me
who is it or what is it that inspires you?
is it a baby’s cry or some love from your past
a distant bird in the sky or coltrane’s jazz

tell me Nikki
tell me
how do you find the words
the nouns
the syllables
the vowels
the verbs?
tell me

tell me Nikki
is it tricky?
damn you’re clever
cause i never seem to find the rhymes that
slant and dance causing romance
as they fall like pieces of sweet candy
from your tongue
making me wanna run
through sprinklers on summer lawns
dripping ice cream cones
and scuppernong grapes bursting in my mouth
i taste your succulent poems and i wonder how it’s done
so tell me Nikki
tell me
what’s your secret?

pullin The Wool

who’s gayer than who
who’s more fem
who’s more masculine
who’s better at fooling them

turn the tables
contraception misconceptions
secret weapons

coast to coast
nobody likes burnt toast
and someday everyone will
be tired of this bullshyt

my dick is my dick
like walking in dog shyt
worried about what i do
who i do if i screw

lying on god
forwarding emails from jesus
send to ten people the
blessing will free us

delete- send to trash can
loosing faith in man
i think i can i think i can
spray on sun tan

will you share with me
what happened to sincerity
cause this shyt is scaring me
salmonella smothered broccoli

love lags behind cause no
time has been vested into
updating our spiritual curriculum
preacher be fooling em

beat the devil out that boy
before he grows into sin
god has no love for men
who sleep with men

five four three two one
edit no credit
give or take
so god be making mistakes?

it don’t matter who’s more fem
or more boy or rocking labels
money on offering  tables
into the pockets of leaders lying on god

mothers preached to not
love their gay sons is far
more pressing than which position
i’m in when getting some

another Nite Out

i’m so fucked up right now
stars twinkle my way to bliss
i wanna kiss full lips wet with gloss
sweating foreheads and thumping basses
the smell of foreign urine doesn’t keep
me from bumping in damp restrooms
i just wanna have fun
i catch his eye but he so shy
telling his friend to tell me
how handsome i am
no numbers exchanged
close tab and tip
this life is a trip

this can’t be life cause puppies
and white picket fences are not present
only white lines and common lies
drink specials and sweaty guys
i'm out

for whom the bells 'toil'

the line broke
the monkey got choked
and they all went to hell in their
little row boat
love boat
tug boat
river boat
rockin da boat
like two animals in a wilderness
of germs
tainted sperm
crawling like earth worms
on wet
moist thighs
no naked eye can see
what lies beneath

u trust your gut
don't take it in the butt
but like an oral slut
slurp slurp slurp it up
breathe don't burp
go to work on that
dick or that clit

like bees collecting honey
ain't nothing sweeter than money
but ain't no dollars falling in your mouth
only dirty seaman loaded with
germs and shyt you don't want
avoiding the clinic you claim it ain't shyt
gargling with salty warm water
doctor's orders, the one without an MD
eating soup on late nights
still ain't feeling right cause
lust ain't care
living for the moment
tomorrow ain't there
when you're moaning
mama's advice and shyt from class
escapes our mind
when giving up ass
or sloppy brain it's all the same
searching for something that
can't be explained
feeling empty doing coke to numb the pain
side effect of shame
gargle with Listerine
but it's not a dream
all trees ain't green
and some people be lying when they say their clean

that shyt don't shine like bling bling
it don't often show on the dingaling
balls don't stank and niggah
was sexy in that tank
topping me no stopping me
it feels so good when he inside of me
like eating thin mints
nut well spent
though i'll never see him again
i'll forever wear his sin
embedding itself inside me
slowly but boldly
kicking me out my own
face soon unknown
when looking in the mirror
on public walls
bathrooms stalls don't offer privacy
you hear no sirens
for whom the bells toil
retuning to soil


late nights
early mornings
i await the sun
wishing the moon would stay a little longer
cutting lines like a biscuit maker
listening to Coltrane and wondering why is happiness
avoiding me

i practice truth and celebrate God
giving my last lovingly and willingl
no reservation relative to reciprocity
but curiosity has got me wondering
if i’m suppose to love men more than i love