the new gods

i come to you
without a jockey on my shirt
in second hand shoes
briefs made by fruit of the loom

my heart filled with
love is this not enough
a gifted mind is that not
worth your time

the material and appearance
conscious how it consumes and
drives us into delusions of grandeur
importance placed on wealth and possessions

our souls have become brokers and
bankers shopping for spiritual
gratitude in  online catalogues and
high end boutiques in Lenox mall

shoes and cars are the new gods
all praises to the Porsche on 22’s
my heart is broken and hope is doubtful
we must change

amen

so true

i sit

waiting
watching
wishing for that bulge to
appear
always after we’ve smoked a
blunt or two

i knew that in a matter of time
it’s presence
would make clear
the reason i was here
the reason i loved yellow boys
the reason i would never marry
at least not in the eyes of God
the reason sons kill themselves or
leave their home never to return
the reason some little boys cry at night
longing for their father’s acceptance
his genuine love
attention

the reason why caged birds sing and
why flowers never blossom in the
back yards of little boys who liked to dress and
take care of others
no flowers bloomed for them only
balled fists with the power of buildings
falling on puppies or
sharp mean words loaded with hate like strategic tv
ruining the innocent minds of children who know not who they are
their destiny changed forever

god must have made the mistake of
puttin the delicious desire to be touched and caressed by strong black hands roughened with
calluses from building america and then carrying her burdens from
cotton to bridges for
colored only
less than equal
powerfully inferior yet
surviving strongly those
strong black hands that held mama’s when she pushed forth life this
life that they both created underneath a starry sky with a kiss from God the
same life those strong black hands would strike and abuse without a single touch
absent

the worst thing you can do to a person is to ignore them
the worst thing you can do to a son is to not care
is this what’s wrong with little black boys from the projects or
little black boys from the suburbs
do they become abandoned like a racehorse with a broken leg a
tampon after its’ purpose is satisfied
flushed down porcelain toilets with blue water
into oceans to be used and bullied by sharks and tidal currents
only to become a grown man lacking the confidence to believe in his own dreams
or the confidence to know he is all right; able and capable
of saving the world

peace, puppies and flowers are all birthed with the
necessity to be loved, nurtured, and accepted and
so do little boys who someday
realize they are
gay.

the maturation of b g

i never had an addictive personality
so giving up cocaine and alcohol
was easier than
giving up hot dogs

the damaged liver
diagnosis came actually as a
sadden relief forcing me to no longer hide in
intoxicated self-less shadows of myself

summer soon set on snow filled
porcelain plates powdered with the
slush of gods snorted by the over sexed and those
wanting to party without pity

strong is the coffee that makes the
timid talk to strangers in bustling bars
boys in every corner and every stall
seeking the same thing; trust

cognac chilling on cubes of ice
intensifying the illusion of happiness
hooking health and hope
no health insurance

under physician’s order my order came to an end
when death’s chariot visited me carrying with it immortality
my reality laid before me
unconscious amidst a bloody toilet

i never had an addictive personality
so this fight would be an easy one but
the battle to be myself would be a war
waged with no innocent bystanders

supporters of habits housed in my sobriety
seeking shelter and desire in my insatiable
insanity would soon learn what real will is capable of
“the wages of sin are surely death”

5, 6, 7

i did it
reluctant at first but after careful and cautious
contemplation i figured i really had nothing to lose but my mind
i googled and prayed and found one with
instructions in french patois and luckily english

it arrived in a nondescript brown package
careful not to shake it not wanting to cause
damage or to lessen the power
i propped it on my kitchen table lit some candles burned some incense turned
down the lights and fixed myself a tumbler of whisky on the rocks

are you sure about this i asked myself
i was sure and no turning back now
i opened the package and removed the contents
setting the handcrafted doll and other items down on the table with the care of disarming a pipe bomb

but it was too late
the explosion had already gone off in my heart and he to
would soon feel this pain

don't do drugs or date doctors

i get it now nippy
when you’re the chosen one
capable of anything just by being
but no one is capable of seeing
the pain you mask behind a
dashing smile and
dirty lines

i relate to this inescapable pain this
unexplainable darkness like clouds moving in
no forecast of thunder storms
heavy rains without warning
umbrellas are not enough nor are
levies to keep you from becoming soaked
determination and wit

salty silent tears you cry alone
hush little baby don’t you cry
busying yourself with substances and punks that
encourage and promote your destruction in the
name of having fun or going in
dancing, singing, and tooting the night away until the
hurt and pain have become numb

but where is the love the puppy the picket
fence and the dream one who arrives in time to
cradle your heart and make things right by complimenting
your beautiful life and self
encouraging you to wake up and bring those dreams you’re capable of to life
removing your shirt revealing the “S” on your chest
are they somewhere hurting to?

then a voice in the midst of treating yourself whispers in
your ear, “you are not alone to your own self be true”
i get it now nippy miracles are not to be thrown away or
discarded like dirty mop water but are to be nurtured and
treated and restored and appreciated like a vintage car or
a broken heart not even the best doctor can prescribe
the script needed to heal yourself

be strong, you are already loved and the universe needs you