112319

it comes at the most 

inconvenient times. 

like when you’re feeling 

down on yourself. 

the weight gain. the declined 

amazon credit card 

application. the loneliness...
that’s when it manifests its 

ugly head, 

sending a jarring reminder, 

like the obligatory 

alarm waking you 

from your morning slumber, the 

realization that 

you’ve wasted too 

much time worrying about 

the wrong shit.
-bdapoet

Speak it into existense

it was a rainy night in november
when i fell in love with your smile
you said my eyes were beautiful 
and we left the night to a simple kiss
nothing more
no pressure
you held my hand as if you’ve known me all your life
I liked that.

a year later, i still feel the same.

mister time please take your time
i’m in no rush
knowing this is my forever
with him.

who screamed

do better

love ctrl-alt-del version (071212)

I only make jokes to distract myself
From the truth, from the truth
From the truth, the truth being that
I love you

Not like the generic Valentine’s-Day
Romance-Movie-Novel type love but the
Insane willing to kill-rob-steal type love

The love that does not comprehend
end, over, done, finished

The love that leads to the purchase of a
firearm, knife, black roses and white rabbit

The love that your mother warned you about
mentally, emotionally, verbally, physically abusive

The love that leads me to
sniff your underwear and socks the
watch you as you sleep type love

studying every line on your face
every hair on your head
your feet- each toe
that kind of love
i love you

forgiveness 080817

To know self is to forgive self.
Release those feelings of shame, guilt, hurt, self-condemnation.

You were made perfectly imperfect.
Your task is to live YOUR life to the fullest and best imaginable for YOU.
Your situation and circumstances are not happenstance, they are real and customized just for you.
You are POWER, you possess everything you'll ever need and want.
If you are unhappy, unsatisfied, unfulfilled...
You can change it all and create and live the life you desire.

Don’t determine your self-worth and purpose by observing and competing with those around you. Their story is not yours.
Look within, you’ll find your purpose there, and only then will you be able to author the life you were destined to live.

No matter your belief, background, or situation, you are powerful, beautiful, magical.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
You are a representation of glory in human form.

Now ease your mind and free it; rid it of all those contaminant thoughts, those things that won’t allow you to live fully.
Those things that keep you from being great, from being happy; let them go.
You’ve learned, you’re learning, you’re wiser.
It’s okay.
It’s all part of the process.

To know self is to forgive self; forgive yourself.
Love yourself.
It’s okay.
It’s gonna be okay.
-bdapoet

Find some time to do something 112917

When rain and love
falls in your lap at
the same time Suddenly
you enjoy getting wet

Soggy jeans and socks
bring smiles in stormy
weather as the sun
dries drenched doubt

Smiles replace frowns;
We are never bored
Even when four walls
close in on us leaving

nothing but breaths and
stares. I could never
tire from looking into your
big brown beautiful eyes

I can’t be alone, don’t wanna
leave you alone Even if it’s
wrong to sample you
while you’re sleeping.

100717

your beautiful face has
over-aroused my senses
so many things to see
taste touch feel love i

imagine your body
pressed against mine
the many warm things id
feel hold taste trust i

can’t find the courage
to talk to you my
watering mouth is
void of words like

libraries on sundays
colorless hitchcock films i
cant bring myself to say some
thing more profound than
hello.
-bdapoet
#hello

Might Be You

Ode to Pride 010617

I sniff my fingers and lick them slowly wishing they were you.
Nothing’s the same.

I changed my hair from brown to blue hoping to revive the you in me, I was fooled.

How foolish I am  pretending I could reinvent the experience created the night our lips locked like deer antlers; the wilderness never belonged to me and neither do you.

Might as well handle this hard on cause you ain’t coming through.

God is Trying To Tell You Something

Another sleepless night
Where has sleep gone?
(Can’t sleep at night and you’re wondering why
Maybe God is trying to tell ya something)
Well I’m listening.

The all night itching is becoming more and more
Unbearable as I scratch my skin until it bleeds
Leaving behind small sores reminiscent of
Chicken pox and ashes
How did I get here?

I still won’t bend but had I known cheap gin,
Whiskey, and the notion of invincibility would  lead me here
I would have better tended to my own affairs and
Less time on Facebook tending to theirs.
But it’s too soon to write my end…

Until then
I am up listening to crickets and
Listening for the Lord
Shhh…
God is trying to tell me something.
-bdapoet

unpredictable

it’s unpredictable; this pain
like eggs falling from the sky onto
sizzling cement summer sidewalks
like silverbacks enclosed in
cement cages artificial forest
frustration

the process
the preparation
the surrender
the faith
thou will be done
chief surgeon and healer of us all
my arms and wings are stretched
i’m ready when you are
the trip

why do we fight it like denial
your gay child
your cheating spouse
soon to be foreclosed house...

just fly away to heaven brother
save a place for me brother
put in a word for me

like apple juice the blood flows
from me a small scratch or sore
with the power of volcanoes erupting
on abysmal sea floors where the sun
has never had the pleasure of heating
it reminds me of the power i possess
as product of creation

the pain slips away like thieves after
intrusions no where to be found
im lost in prayer counting stars
meditation and music
calming myself for next time.

Uncondtional Love (022316)

It takes effort and confidence to love unconditionally.
And it’s worth it, as with all things that require dedication;
a divine transformation or true salvation.

Without condition confidence becomes
consciousness; you know who you are without
explanation nor definition nor judgement.

Without condition confidence becomes
understanding; often man knows not what he does
nor is aware of his own affliction. Forgive them.

Without condition confidence becomes
compassion; what’s right is right and justice shall
be accessible to all, all creatures great and small.

Without condition confidence becomes
peace and love beyond all understanding and the ability to
forgive the gossiping tongue and the heated heart of hatred.

Without condition confidence becomes
a blossoming beautiful brave being boldly believing and
living a life of true unconditional love; God is love.

cyberbeauty

Note: Tyler, The Creator- All around respect. Creative, clever, cool, conscious, and comical.

koromantee

the grease from the pizza brought out the sexy of your lips
drinkin’ beer talkin’ bout shyt
sitting on the floor watching lennox ask “why”
feeling good i feel me

i loose myself in your plants
wanting to suck your toes
i drink more beer instead
is it too soon to kiss you?

what the hell, life is short
they say age is nothing but a number
i agree
especially when older than me

maybe we’ll share the same bathroom
one day
i’ll learn another language
and teach you patience
just let me be silly
and eat ice cream
and share with you my wildest dreams

USA Inc

Company (11616)

I Believe in Love

Yours truly, B. 010416

So I found myself thinking about you yet again wondering if I would continue to visit and go through the the many things we went through; both good and bad. Something about familiarity and routine that brings comfort and contentment like eating food you know is bad for you, but who can say no to good fried chicken. 

I thought about the night our world ended. How you took me to a place I had never been. We came close to losing everything. The risk. The gamble. The necessity to please everyone by giving light and life while sacrificing our own; something we did to often. What a night and what a life. I'm thankful. 

But as all good stories and times must end so must our dependency upon one another. This tug of war leading to no where. 

"This is the song that doesn't end, it just goes on and on my friend."

I must cut the tie that binds us and free myself of you only holding on to the lessons learned. A sweet dream and beautiful nightmare. Twisted fantasies someday to be revealed in a novel yet to be written. Farewell my past. It's been real. I'm ready for something new and glorious and shiny. 

Yours truly....
B. 010416

ether

you treated me
like the dope man
the one who shorted you
on your sacks

you wore me
like those too tight jeans
the dark blue ones
with the stallions on the back

i never saw you to
wear a smile always a
complaint slipping
from your lips

but something about
your angry beauty intrigued me
making me madly sadly crazy
over bipolar you

two dozen roses are
never enough the moon and
stars just won't't do
chocolate candies melt too easily
there’s just no pleasing you

but something about when we undress
freaky funky loving till the break of dawn
a thousand lions in my pocket
you tame every one

i can’t be without you baby
not even for a night
you can’t be without me either
our love is more potent than combustible ether