the inner mystery

it’s coming
hold on
i’ve come too far
like butterflies bursting from cocoons
sweet buttery pound cake from hot oven
i think i’m ready

cliff covered mountains or
valium filled valleys
it don’t matter
not when you have wings and
believe you can fly
angels and demons

evil doers and non well wishers
appear like
thorns beneath the prettiest rose whose
fragrance lure like
sirens off distant shores
garden sheers

i no longer fear fear
mislead into a strange bed
driving past dead ends
no u turns or new friends
rain is inevitable when in doubt
umbrellas

this fella’s destiny he does not know
but unconquerable belief is
destined to bring him close
to what most spend a life time in search of
what is this thing called love

grace

a closet is not a home

they paid me a visit again last night
tears and loneliness
is there something i’m doing wrong
i don’t recall leaving the light on

relationships
affairs of the heart; my heart
i’m beginning to no longer trust
emotions and feelings

trust nothing with a pulse
trust no one with a speaking
tongue or ears that won’t
listen and a heart incapable of love

bitter becomes the man searching for
black love in a white town where the few who
favor you knocks you down with ad titles that
read blk lookin 4 wht or white only please

lonely is the only roasted bean in the
starbucks on oleander street
with no place to go where dark
smiles know your truthful solitude

unrestrained by synthetic mental
closets that hide nothing more than an
illusion of shame and scented mothballs and
jeans that no longer fit

the maternal bond and youngest son’s
duty to his aging mother will soon be
not enough to keep me here in a
house that will never become a home

you inspire me

Hey Bae

Send me a pic of you..right now. I wanna write something....and you...

Well....you inspire me.

Your smile, your eyes...your spirit....it's refreshing...I would be lying if I said I didn't find you attractive....and physically you’re the type of beautiful I would date....hold...kiss...wanting to learn every curve, every inch, every detail of your body....but more than any of that...well...

There’s something about your spirit....your eagerness to learn and find your purpose...your passion...Your....You.

But I’m a dreamer....a fantasy believer....I still imagine fairies and white witches flying and living in the forest....and I imagine mermaids like listening to Beyonce also....that would be cool....I'm a big kid, I'm a Poet....I like puppies and I'm a sucker for candy....

And I love God and miracles and the possibility that some day Earth will know Peace again...she's been away too long....and maybe I’m naive enough to think you may read all of this and understand....who knows. I just want to see a picture of you...one taken right now, cause you inspire me.

soulmate

i knew you before time was time
before this spinning earth had formed
before the stars took their rightful place
in the skies above

i knew you before words before
institutions and man found it
necessary to define and describe
things they don’t understand

nestled together we were speeding
atoms in a bond both tight and minut
as one of one with jupiter and mars and
salamanders elephants and trees however

intrinsic thought found need to
express itself in the most grandest manner
bursting us lightyears ages and spaces apart
our rhythms still in sync

at last we are rejoined in costa rica a
cafe a movie theatre beneath a
palm along the nile the drool from a
new born’s smile

i knew you then i know you now without
coincidence or condition nor conclusion
no descript can define us but for man’s
satisfaction we’ll call this "love".

-Day 2-

Love's Curse

7 Love songs in 7 days
Maybe that will break this
Cold curse that has held my
Heart captive away from
Chivalrous delight
Perhaps I want not
What so many

Soul seekers settle for
Shant I resist the kiss from
Wanton lips who's
Incapable of my heart's
True desire but for
Lasting love until my
Soul retires.

orange

the new gods

i come to you
without a jockey on my shirt
in second hand shoes
briefs made by fruit of the loom

my heart filled with
love is this not enough
a gifted mind is that not
worth your time

the material and appearance
conscious how it consumes and
drives us into delusions of grandeur
importance placed on wealth and possessions

our souls have become brokers and
bankers shopping for spiritual
gratitude in  online catalogues and
high end boutiques in Lenox mall

shoes and cars are the new gods
all praises to the Porsche on 22’s
my heart is broken and hope is doubtful
we must change

amen

so true

i sit

waiting
watching
wishing for that bulge to
appear
always after we’ve smoked a
blunt or two

i knew that in a matter of time
it’s presence
would make clear
the reason i was here
the reason i loved yellow boys
the reason i would never marry
at least not in the eyes of God
the reason sons kill themselves or
leave their home never to return
the reason some little boys cry at night
longing for their father’s acceptance
his genuine love
attention

the reason why caged birds sing and
why flowers never blossom in the
back yards of little boys who liked to dress and
take care of others
no flowers bloomed for them only
balled fists with the power of buildings
falling on puppies or
sharp mean words loaded with hate like strategic tv
ruining the innocent minds of children who know not who they are
their destiny changed forever

god must have made the mistake of
puttin the delicious desire to be touched and caressed by strong black hands roughened with
calluses from building america and then carrying her burdens from
cotton to bridges for
colored only
less than equal
powerfully inferior yet
surviving strongly those
strong black hands that held mama’s when she pushed forth life this
life that they both created underneath a starry sky with a kiss from God the
same life those strong black hands would strike and abuse without a single touch
absent

the worst thing you can do to a person is to ignore them
the worst thing you can do to a son is to not care
is this what’s wrong with little black boys from the projects or
little black boys from the suburbs
do they become abandoned like a racehorse with a broken leg a
tampon after its’ purpose is satisfied
flushed down porcelain toilets with blue water
into oceans to be used and bullied by sharks and tidal currents
only to become a grown man lacking the confidence to believe in his own dreams
or the confidence to know he is all right; able and capable
of saving the world

peace, puppies and flowers are all birthed with the
necessity to be loved, nurtured, and accepted and
so do little boys who someday
realize they are
gay.

the maturation of b g

i never had an addictive personality
so giving up cocaine and alcohol
was easier than
giving up hot dogs

the damaged liver
diagnosis came actually as a
sadden relief forcing me to no longer hide in
intoxicated self-less shadows of myself

summer soon set on snow filled
porcelain plates powdered with the
slush of gods snorted by the over sexed and those
wanting to party without pity

strong is the coffee that makes the
timid talk to strangers in bustling bars
boys in every corner and every stall
seeking the same thing; trust

cognac chilling on cubes of ice
intensifying the illusion of happiness
hooking health and hope
no health insurance

under physician’s order my order came to an end
when death’s chariot visited me carrying with it immortality
my reality laid before me
unconscious amidst a bloody toilet

i never had an addictive personality
so this fight would be an easy one but
the battle to be myself would be a war
waged with no innocent bystanders

supporters of habits housed in my sobriety
seeking shelter and desire in my insatiable
insanity would soon learn what real will is capable of
“the wages of sin are surely death”

5, 6, 7

i did it
reluctant at first but after careful and cautious
contemplation i figured i really had nothing to lose but my mind
i googled and prayed and found one with
instructions in french patois and luckily english

it arrived in a nondescript brown package
careful not to shake it not wanting to cause
damage or to lessen the power
i propped it on my kitchen table lit some candles burned some incense turned
down the lights and fixed myself a tumbler of whisky on the rocks

are you sure about this i asked myself
i was sure and no turning back now
i opened the package and removed the contents
setting the handcrafted doll and other items down on the table with the care of disarming a pipe bomb

but it was too late
the explosion had already gone off in my heart and he to
would soon feel this pain

don't do drugs or date doctors

i get it now nippy
when you’re the chosen one
capable of anything just by being
but no one is capable of seeing
the pain you mask behind a
dashing smile and
dirty lines

i relate to this inescapable pain this
unexplainable darkness like clouds moving in
no forecast of thunder storms
heavy rains without warning
umbrellas are not enough nor are
levies to keep you from becoming soaked
determination and wit

salty silent tears you cry alone
hush little baby don’t you cry
busying yourself with substances and punks that
encourage and promote your destruction in the
name of having fun or going in
dancing, singing, and tooting the night away until the
hurt and pain have become numb

but where is the love the puppy the picket
fence and the dream one who arrives in time to
cradle your heart and make things right by complimenting
your beautiful life and self
encouraging you to wake up and bring those dreams you’re capable of to life
removing your shirt revealing the “S” on your chest
are they somewhere hurting to?

then a voice in the midst of treating yourself whispers in
your ear, “you are not alone to your own self be true”
i get it now nippy miracles are not to be thrown away or
discarded like dirty mop water but are to be nurtured and
treated and restored and appreciated like a vintage car or
a broken heart not even the best doctor can prescribe
the script needed to heal yourself

be strong, you are already loved and the universe needs you

Faith Family Friends (a commercial piece)

to have Faith
dark doubt does not
exist

With Family
love is
unquestionable

in Friends
comfort is
just a hug away

At peace is the heart
that has found
these three

love is the bond
that ties the
family

unbreakable diamonds
the beauty of
friends

as certain as the
rising sun
faith must be

when love seems lost
like car keys to a
forgetful mind

doubtless unquestionable is the
love in faith family and friends
you will find

3rd eye (unedited)

the things i've gained
the friends i've lost
self destructive
at any cost
but no they’ll
never rob me of my sight
no matter how they try
ain't no contacts
needed
third eye

some hands are dealt
with shitty cards
no matter the odds
you do your part
play to win
don’t fuck up the deal
pick the right partner
that shyt is real
no talking cross the table
that shyt is real
play your hand
no under bidding
say amen
now get to winning

loyalty confused
with some fake feelings
consumers wake up
the new niggers
enslaved to spending
shopping sprees in wal-mart
who are we kidding
make em change
workers cant make a living
nightmare becomes reality
our spending power’s in the billions!

get over your past
handle your shyt
learn from mistakes
master your shyt
learn something new
rewrite the rules

i smile bright
outwitting this
game
pretenders
keep my soul
sane
empowered mind
freed heart
i'm not a play thang
    “say my name say my name”
life
meant to live
enslaved establishment
wrong ideas
often i  chill
like wine i’m chill
blunts make me feel
reading books
that’s real
black text
white pages
white lines
black razors
    “please don't judge me, and I won't judge you, cause if you loved me, then let it be beautiful”
to my hustlers
hackers of the game
step ya code up
ceo training
    “take your passion and make it happen”
hood distributers
locksmiths
moving keys
breaking bricks
cutting snow
Eskimos
hello mr frosty
don't front on bags
don't step on shyt
fire all flunkies
in ya click
look out for moms
and ya family
pray to god
bended knee
please
watch over thee

classroom soldiers
battle fields
school teachers
your pain i feel
like surgeons
molding minds of
america
licensed to kill
change the world
with a hustlers mind
connect em with your plug
this is their time
toss bullshit
out the windows
let them babies shine
them lame text books
outdated history
bon fires
pep rallies
hang a noose around
ignorance in your way
by any means necessary
    “promise of a new day”
cornel west
i admired ya
stand down
im tired of ya
oxymoron
yes you are
smiley crab in a boiling pot
yes you are
political hater
contradicts your scholarship
insubordinate nigga
yes you are

i proclaim
the revolution has begun
love your families
especially your sons
brothers and sisters
cease the fighting
the real enemies
just foreclosed on
your home
ya paying triple
student loans

blew up them levis
offered no aid
gain wealth off your work
you happy slave
impound your whip
in cash you paid
kick your doors open
say it’s a raid
pull you over
and make you believe
they didn't pull you over
cause you're a darkie

pit whites against blacks
christians against jews
homosexuals have no rights
over a  life they didn’t choose
chop down trees
processed food
money’s all that matter in the
cessepool
    “soon and very soon I am going to see the King”
wanna share shyt
bout this journey
lessons ive learned
the pains ive felt
the times i’ve burned
the nights i whelped
    “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh ‘forth’ in the morning”
the things i gained
the friends i lost
at times self destructive
at any cost
but no they’ll
never rob me of my sight
no matter how the try
aint no contacts in my
third eye
no cataract in my third eye
no sand or grit in my third eye
my third eye

wake up: emergency

we the people
us people
you people
are not looking for a hand out
wanting something for nothing
us forgotten people
only remembered in statistics
and unicef campaigns asking for donations instead of candy on halloween

we the people
ranging from shades of dark to light
photoshopped bright on cosmo covers
and darkened in GOP fear commercials
exaggerated in welfare lines
cheese lines savages living wildly
in urban ghettos committing crimes
that’s how you view us

we the people
the offspring of immigrants
forced bondage and held captive
like girls being held by old cartel pimps
forced to dance in private, no living out by the sea
no husband or children no family
just work, work work
making profit for free

we the people sleeping like tired
airline pilots on third flight of the day
must wake soon before it’s too late
before we’ve crashed completely into hidden
icebergs without enough life boats and jackets for us all
women and children aren’t first just the wealthy and
certain pedigree pets
Oh say can you see what’s happening to us?
duck duck goose untie that fucking noose from around your neck
and wake up!
this is an emergency on planet earth

Moon (032814)

he didn’t just fall from the sky
like some dying comet or broken
object from a USSR
satellite rotating and revolving around our
distant solar system
some things are
stranger than fiction

but there was something about his
accent and his attention to detail that
intrigued me
made me wanna
touch his skin poke and dig into
him a little more as if he were
out of this world

curious i am for the
desire to peer open and 
take a peek inside through telescopic eyes
seeing what i can find
maybe a touch similar to mine but
never does the agar plate reveal such
culture as those within my fantasy yielding mind

i humor myself with thoughts that
shine bright and twinkle like
stars in the night’s sky
cliche cliche cliche
moon from above offers just enough light
assuring me this moment is real
i’m here and here’s the deal

objects appear closer than they seem
so i refrain from believing this dream
this moment
this situation
this chance that some
moon being has landed his way into my life
   
“i’m a recovering undercover over lover”

12 Angry Nurses and Satan

Could not hold me back from seeing the sunshine again. 

The thoughts and prayers of my friends.
Those who spend their days being good Catholics, jumping from pews doing that Blues Brothers shit, I salute and thank you. 

In this living life of wars, no judging my views, cause our Gods find sacred that vow. 

Get up, get out, and do something...just try and avoid the things that can cause a night mare of your dreams. 

Get up get out and get something....tomorrow's not promised; pissing on yourself in open pajamas.

Get up get out and be something...this ain't no dress rehearsal man you can't keep doing that same shit over and over again.

So here it is a reminder a photograph to remember.
I was 20 minutes from the morgue...I'm just saying...evaluate what YOU'RE living for.

Thanks again to all those from the Port to the A and places in between that prayed for me, that thought of me, that kept me. 

I am forever grateful and and I am forever changed...still recovering, but my thought's are not the same.

Prayer for a Love doc: Soul healer #RVH

I hope and pray 
This is the one. 
I know it's quick, 
Some love at 
First sight shyt, but 
If it's legit, then 
I'm wit it. 
Just tired of the 
Bullshyt, 
Games people play, 
I'm getting too old and 
I'm too good for 
Hit and quit. 

So God if this is 
The one, 
I can't promise 
I'll be in 
Church every Sunday, but 
Each day...Imma strive to be a 
Better man. 

Thanks. 

Amen.

moths to a flame

you see when you’re blind and you’re looking for love
sometimes you stumble upon speeding oncoming traffic
bumping into things and people or ending up in places and
situations that may endanger you with your uninsured self

like those little rodents that run together in packs
off steep mountain cliffs to their deaths below
thumping sounds from them hitting the ground like the
beat of a night club drummer when you’re high on X

in another world in another time in another place
dancing and moving your body in a sexually hypnotic manner
hoping to entice like those sirens who lured ancient greeks with
their macabre melody moving the soul seeking the flesh

i’ve offered my flesh for a few sweaty rounds of instant passion a
spark in the dark of an absent non existent seat filling bed warming
confidant risking my mind and health becoming blinded by the
possibility of feeling complete like love songs and romance novels

the blues of a baby boy whose mind races between science and
creativity and lack of self belief and imagined lack of love if he
could only see and believe in his own talents and possibilities and
the joy he brings to each and everyone he meets and reaches

his cup runneth over with love too thirsty for dirty black dick and
clean white cocaine to see nothing will numb the pain or restore
vision but inner peace self love and filtered bottled water his luring
light attracts all like moths to a flame if only he could feel the heat

in the beginning

its always good in the beginning
whether a few hours or months
its always good at the start
you smile a lil more
your swag is on point
you imagine a long life together
in bliss
you touch you kiss
you talk while gazing into each other’s eyes
you find no imperfections
you let your guard down just enough
illuminating your innocence and goodness
while kicking under the bed your dirty underwear
tossing in the closet that crusty dirty seaman towel from
just this morning
no fleet bottles under the counter to be seen
thats how it is in the beginning

same start different season
still gazing in the eyes of lonely lying strangers
no truth to be found
like searching for fresh produce in project corner stores
there is none
i use to hide my flaws like fat people try to hide themselves
behind others in photographs hoping no one will notice
now i highlight them and accept them and work on them
and perfect them and use them in the morning just before brushing my
teeth and just after giving my daily praise
i am alive and that is enough to confirm purpose and pride
God don’t make no mistakes
and this lonely heart ache is just part of my human condition
i will survive i will be fine

its always good in the beginning
you contemplate deleting your grindr account and
debate changing your status on facebook from single to its complicated
just a thought
drunken nights in bulldogs self medicated with
whatever vice accessible that night
bartender knows you by face and begins to prepare your drink
as you approach
its not his strong cheap cocktail that brings me back
its not the music that brings me back
its not the dirty bathroom floor soaked with urine and god knows what
no hand sanitizer or hand soap anywhere
it repulses me but maybe its that subconscious truth that these
black men no matter the smile or label they adorn
are just as in need as i am

in the beginning it was good
we all smiled
engaging and thrilled by my charm
they held hands
and occasionally caressed the back of each other
i lost myself in another drink
bored and maybe a little envious
of their seemingly loving relationship
cute like puppies before they shyt on your floor
its always like this in the beginning
five songs later i felt a caress at my waist
it was the cuter of the two without the other
needless to say we fucked that night
i didn’t care i left guilt home with my Spanx
no phone calls or remembrances the next day
no missing wallet or missing items
only two used condoms and another story to be told
verification that relationships aren’t shyt
love is a concept and fairy tales are just that